You may be a Hare Krishna fanatic if ...

My wife, my neighbor Ajita and I are gradually coming up with a list of symptoms that could serve as a guide for fanatics to self-diagnose. Here's what we have so far:

You may be a Hare Krishna fanatic if ...

... you are perfectly comfortable with "That's prajapla!" as the end of a conversation.

... have ever demanded a list of ingredients when invited around for prasad at a devotee's house.

... ever gone so far as to seriously consider the legal consequences of cutting out someone's tongue for blasphemy.

... you opt to sleep on the floor next to the bed when staying at a relative's house.

... when a stranded driver asks if you can jump start her car, you reply, "No. That would be a waste of Krishna's energy."

... you cooked your own dinner at the vegetarian party Mum put on for you.

The reason I'm posting these here is so that we can collaborate. If you think of some additions to this list then please leave them as comments to this post.

The possibilities are endless and so many of us have tons of experience to draw upon. We'd like to keep them general enough not to offend anyone in particular, although we completely admit that most of what we've come up with so far have been inspired by real life events (cringe).

We called our friend Urjesvari who has the perfect sense of humor for this sort of thing. We're going to call back tomorrow and see what she comes up with, so stay tuned.

one addition...

...if you throw a gamsha over someone's hand while they are saying Gayatri, to discourage the demigods from stealing the benefits...

...and the list goes on... you may be a fanatic...

... if you're not aware you have a foot long caupina tail hanging out of your pants, in full view, while walking down your city's main street.
... if you tell the gurukuli kid in your care to lick the spilled milk off the floor, to avoid the offense of causing "mother cow to cry". (happened to my kids)
... if you tell a mataji (who has filled in for another pujari who just went "off the altar"), that she is a "prostitute" for coming to do the service with (although totally braided) "wet hair". (actually happened to me)
... if, while living in a western country, you have whole forests sprouting out of your ears because it "attracts laksmi, prabhu".
... if you don't own a single towel, but only dry yourself with gamchas.
... if you snap the aerial receivers of sankirtan vehicles so that sankirtan devotees cannot listen to the radio and thereby won't be hindered in their mission of liberating the public.
... if, being a bramacari, you greet a female guest with: "I can't talk to you, you're a woman...", and then leave her standing there in total disbelief without getting anyone else to attend to her.
... if, finding a non-devotee's wallet full of cash, credit cards & indentification, you first donate all the cash to the deities, and then report it as found. (guilty as charged).
... if you "wave" the candles out on a birthday cake, instead of blowing.
... if at a non-devotee's birthday party, after the happy birthday has been sung, singing loudly and proudly you add: "may you never take birth again, may you never take birth again..."

These are GOLD! You may be a

These are GOLD!

You may be a HK fanatic if you believe that everytime you cut your hair you are decresing your Husbands lifespan, and you warn other women devotees of this risk...

Do you really think

Do you really think

offences

Well you do know PRABHUS that if you offend others with your comments and they then speak badly of you, you actually get the bad Karma.

how true it is...

how true it is...

And what if someone were to

And what if someone were to find what you just wrote offensive?

mas

-if you never use any deo;
-if you have huge mustaches...and you are girl;
-if you consider veganism equal demonism

From Krishnapada dasa

...you put ONLY karatalas in your child's lunchbox for Ekadasi.
...your son keeps tripping over his sikha.
...you haven't spoken to your wife in 12 years but you live in the same house.
...you perform the garbhadhana samskara with your kaupin still on.
...you find yourself doing puja at the local train station for no apparent reason.
...you work as a call-centre operator and you answer the phone 'hari-bol'.
...you are sure that the 'local business listings' are in Prabhupada's books.
...you are disappointed that Target doesn't have a Kaupinware section.
...you donate toilet paper as well as toilet rolls to the local childcare centre for arts and craft day.

Bloody Brilliant!

This is excellent.

OMG!

--you're children are afraid of "karmi meat-eaters."

My children have totally done this!

You may be a Hare Krsna fanatic if...

... You keep a karma tally

Me? Fanatic?

...If you travel with your own lota (guilty!)

From my friend Tusta Krsna das

...How old is your stool bag?

you are a HK fanatic if..

* you insist on wearing (noisy) clogs even though you are married.
* you wear your head piece with hair clips to secure it for god forbid it fell off your head
* you would not pass the ghee lamp to the women in their hands but put it on the nearest place instead in case your hands touched
* you insist on wearing counch shell bangles, a big red dot and sindhur in your hair part EVERYWHERE.(esp. weird if you are not indian)
* stood with folded hands throughout a kirtan in prayer mode looking very sincere
*you wear a turban and dont shave your face for men
*you have hairy legs and eyebrows as a woman
*you refuse to wear shoes....EVER
*you think you should drive the worst car ever which breaks down always

If you take a bucket bath in

If you take a bucket bath in the back yard when visiting your parents, rather than use their 'muchi' bathroom.... =)

Really enjoying this site.

Really enjoying this site. Just starting out on my path of exploration. So many faiths have the inability to laugh at oneself. No lightness of being to balance. Would be most appreciative of being on the list. Namaste

just stumbled upon this. Can

just stumbled upon this. Can identify totally with some things said. Did not read all the comments so PAMHO if I repeat something someone has already said:

Here are my considerations of a Hare Krishna Fanatic:

If you start off your office mails with PAMHO and sign it as 'your servant.'
Address the bus driver as Prabhuji.
Accept the rose given by your loved one and reverentially touch it to the forehead and take a whiff as if it were mahaprasadam.
Find it hard to sit stand or move at 5' 4", weighing 200 lbs and yet do nothing about it because after all,you are "not this body".
Gift your fiancee Tulasi neckbeads.

You may be a Hare Krsna fanatic if...

...Having first heard the song "Govinda Jaya Jaya" on "The Radha Krsna Temple" album, on hearing someone sing that song, you still play the kartals backwards

You may be a Hare Krishna fanatic if you

Pamho. AgtSG&G!
Thanks for this nice section of your page. It is indeed funny and makes me think of my own practices, what I don't follow, what I try to follow and what I'm following.

I will post the link for this section on my Facebook (Neeraj Wadehra-Nimai Charan) and myspace (Neeraj-Nimai Charan)pages.

Y.s.,
NCd /=:>

You may be a Hare Krishna fanatic if ...

You may be a Hare Krishna fanatic if ...

... you are still living off the grains you stored for y2k.

... you ever spent a summer trying to make yourself like 'devotionalized' contemporary music.

You may be a Hare Krishna fanatic if ...

You may be a Hare Krishna fanatic if ... you refuse to eat your kid's birthday cake because he blew out the candles and may have muchified the top layer with tiny kiddie spittles.

On the other hand ...

You may be a Hare Krishna fanatic if ... you'd fight with someone over who gets to swallow the leftover pit of a date, apricot or other stonefruit eaten by someone who you don't actually know but is institutionally recognized as a 'senior devotee'.

From my wife Seva

You may be a Hare Krishna fanatic if ... you buy a 50 inch LCD screen and a Dolby 7.1 surround system but only watch Charlie Chaplain movies because Srila Prabhupada once laughed at one so it's bonifide.

You noose the new bhakta and

You noose the new bhakta and drag him off the top bunk for Mangal Arati.

You drip water into his ear, then, if he shall cover his head, you drench the inside of his sleeping bag.

You, along with another brahmacari, harness any sleeping bhakta, sleeping bag and all, and drag him into the shower, turning on the cold.

You sleep in the hallway outside the bathroom to ensure you get woken up by stampeding brahmacaris at 4am.

When seeing a new bhakta still sleeping at 4.10am, you feel the irresistible urge to wring out your washed gamsha and kaupin over his face (Garuda, I haven't forgotten)....

You escaped your devotee parents house and 'the slaughterhouse' at the age of 14 for the brahmacari ashrama.

You steal the pillow and sleeping bag from a fourteen year-old for the purpose of travelling Sankirtana.

You pray for Krishna's mercy that you remain a brahmacari more than praying for pure devotional service.

During japa you're so sleep deprived you're crashing into sadhakas and Tulasi plants.

You'll use the toilet flush at a public toilet instead of the toilet paper.

When a relative passes away, you quote BG 2.11 at their funeral – “do not lament for that which is not worthy of grief.”

You raid private gardens at 1am so that only stalks and thorns remain.

- These were all a part of my Bhakta Training :)

While sitting on the Vyasasana, You praise 'Scamkirtan' and 'Food For Wife' as being the Sankirtan Movement of Lord Caitanya, as mentioned in Caitanya Caritamrta.

You force large spoonfuls of halava onto every devotees plate, benedicting them, "with every spoonful of halava, you will go Back to Godhead five years sooner'.

Exercising is Maya.

Wearing presentable clothes is in the bodily concept of life.

Sleeping more than four hours is the mode of ignorance.

If you're not sleepy when you chant, you've slept too much.

After ten years in the temple, you don't know the difference between proteins and carbohydrates.

Hot cow’s milk with tumeric powder is the cure for lactose intolerance.

Your ->insert here<- is Krishna's, therefore it's mine.

Thinking, “What's Krishna's is mine and what's mine is mine”.

It's all Lila, prabhu.

If you decide to be the self-designated Japa Police from 5-7am every single morning.

When you stand up in Bhagavatam class and you still fall asleep.

If it's ok for you but not ok for me.

If you're the 'pujari' and won't clean a damn thing... because you're a brahmana and brahmana's are always pure.....?

You broke your nose from standing in Bhagavatam class to keep awake.

You have whiplash from 'Violent Japa' -TM- .

You're ears permanently ring and you’re happy about it - "Now I'm always hearing kirtan, prabhu".

You don't pay rent to your 'demon landlord' because he may misspend it.

You won't hug your grandma after not seeing her for ten years because 'the Bhagavatam says so'.....

You don’t give blood at a Blood Bank, you give prasadam.

You have Jagannath deities hanging from the rear vision mirror of your car.

At 4am you’re getting up to pray not getting home from the pub.

You get pleasure from headbutting the floor every time you see a friend.

You’ve renamed ‘Athletes Foot’ and ‘Tinnitus’ to ‘Lotus Foot’ because you ‘really need the mercy’.

You eat only the remnants of devotees.

The handwash water is the ‘Real Caritamrta’ -TM-

You think you’re a pure devotee after a month of joining the Hare Krishna Movement.

You’re preaching to senior devotees after six months.

You’ve taken sanyasa in front of a picture of Prabhupada, after a year.

And after another year, you’ve given up that danda for a new one.

You chastise the cashier at the supermarket for accepting Laksmi with her left hand because “She belongs to Krishna not your stool wiping mit”.

You’re wearing a saffron kurta, tilaka and a Kaupin tail at your college graduation ceremony during Kodak time (Matsya, I’ve still got a clear image of this photo :)

YOU MAY BE A HARE KRISHNA FANATIC IF...

YOU MAY BE A HARE KRISHNA FANATIC IF...

- Your wedding reception feast is served to the guests on paper plates, while they sit on mats on the ground. Because seating your friends and family at tables is “Maya”.

- You’re a saffron brahmacari who, rather than sitting, chants his japa walking around the temple room, because the only spot left is between a grhasta and the new bhakta in white.

- You have no furniture in your lounge room, just an alter, some devotional instruments and a pile of mats for guests to sit on.

- You and your wife sleep in separate beds but because of lack of space they are pushed together

- If you go out for dinner and your kids whisper to you “can we use our hands”

THAT DUCK IMPERSONATION IS

THAT DUCK IMPERSONATION IS HILARIOUS. Those neighbours around Albert Park must think we're such nutcases..

You know the sad thing is,

You know the sad thing is, being a "Krishna Kid" (ie being "raised" in KC) my parents have imposed/followed pretty much all of these at some point. So much for time, place and circumstance... =P

All of the

All of the above......absolutely true.

When a western devotee

When a western devotee refers to western people as mlecchas and yavanas.

Funny, but let's also think a little deeper

I found these comments all very funny and it was interesting for me to see all the little things I do that others do too, also the things I don't do but will now consider doing.
I think the important thing here, and what is really humourous, is how we follow so many things blindly, without thinking of their deeper significance.
Yes they are rituals, but they are promoting something deeper.
Of course we have to differentiate between what will help us raise our consciousness, and what is just silly superstition. And we must also remember that everything is time place and circumstance - in certain circumstances we may have to adjust our normal practices. Know when to apply and when not to.
But if we understand the formula, the meaning behind these 'rituals', that won't be problem.
'You can break the rules if you know them', i.e. appreciate the point behind them.
And yes if we sincerely want to make progress we will naturally try to incorporate some things which, from a Western, objective point of view, are just silly. Not exposing your body, etc. We are trying to become more God conscious, and less body conscious, so from that perspective it may not seem so silly, for example, to swim in a sari - or something that covers you.

currency

You use the Indian terms 'lac' and 'crores' to refer to large numbers because you think it sounds more 'Vedic' even though you've never spent any time in India.

The Fanatic Jokes

I want to say thank you to all who contributed - I'm so glad to see the maturity that's required to look back and laugh at the silliness! Here's one that I witnessed: You may be a Hare Krishna fanatic if you decide to fall into maya just for the evening, by picking up someone in a bar, but you never let an egg cross your threshhold!

Offenses

The only one to accurately judge the intent of the heart is God, and He decides who has/hasn't committed offense, and mercy or punishment is again all up to Him.

Srila Prabhupada disser

I just read an ex-devotee's account of his 9 years in ISKCON, and I think a lot of his problems/issues were understandable, yet then he stated that Srila Prabhupada wanted to be the world's biggest spiritual star and the like, it made me cringe! Regardless of anything else, this man was devoted to glorifying God as he understood Him, not to glorifying himself!

... you pull the drowned rat out of the milk bucket and serve it

This is from HG Aindra Prabhu (ACBSP) when he was one of the pujaris for the Radha-Damodar Travelling Sankirtan buses in the early days of Iskcon.
He says that it was after a Sunday Feast, and because he was the last one to take rest & get up, he decided to honor the entire bucket (actually, he claims that it was Rasa-malai with Kheer!).
So basically he just scooped-up the poor creature (that must have had a pain-less death to say the least, right?), and respectfully did the honors...all by himself.

-- you refuse to chant in

-- you refuse to chant in kirtan when non-traditional instruments are used because the kirtan isn't bona fide

-- you end every statement with the phrase, "isn't it?" in imitation of devotees imitating Srila Prabhupada

-- your children can recite the sanskrit and english translations for most of the verses in the Bhagavad Gita, but they are still failing their classes at school

-- you carefully treasure a few dusty scraps of shredded paper at the bottom of a box because 35 years ago it was a BTG article

-- you obsess about the fact that your teenager has "karmi" school friends but you have no problem letting him travel across the planet with someone you haven't actually met because a) he's a devotee and b) Krishna will protect them because its service (yes, that was me)

Hare Krishna! LOL! Some more

Hare Krishna!
LOL!
Some more -
------ You do a background check of devotees before checking out their websites to avoid non bonafide ideas.
------ You judge devotees potency by the number of times they are spotted for Sunday feast.
------ Devotees who choose a challenging career are in maya & are "full of material desires" (applied fully to women)
------ You get disturbed if someone whom you preached to is now taking guidance from some other devotee.
------ You feel it's sinful to stumble upon profiles of opposite gender on facebook especially if they are devotees, but non devotees no problem.
------ We can accuse each other of anything & then end the conversation with "but I never wanted to offend you"
------ You feel every instruction given by Prabhupada should be followed by women only...
------ It's ok to discuss other devotees marital lives because "we are learning lessons"
------ We can do anything & say it was Krishna's "sweet will"