NEW OFFICE SLANG

404 – Someone who is clueless. From the Web error message,
“404 Not Found,” which means the document requested couldn’t be
located. “Don’t bother asking John. He’s 404.”
Adminisphere – The rarified organizational layers above the
rank and file that makes decisions that are often profoundly
inappropriate or irrelevant.
Alpha Geek – The most knowledgeable, technically proficient
person in an office or work group. “I dunno, ask Rick. He’s our
alpha geek.”
Batmobiling – putting up emotional shields. Refers to the
retracting armor that covers the Batmobile as in “she started talking
marriage and he started batmobiling”
Beepilepsy – The brief siezure people sometimes suffer when
their beepers go off, especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by
physical spasms, goofy facial expressions, and stopping speech
in mid-sentence.
Betamaxed – When a technology is overtaken in the market
by inferior but better marketed competition as in “Microsoft
betamaxed Apple right out of the market”
Blamestorming – A group discussion of why a deadline was
missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

Body Nazis – Hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics
who look down on anyone who doesn’t work out obsessively.
Bookmark – To take note of a person for future reference.
“After seeing his cool demo at Siggraph, I bookmarked him.”
CGI Joe – A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the
social skills and charisma of a plastic action figure.
Chainsaw Consultant – An outside expert brought in to
reduce the employee head count, leaving the top brass with clean hands.
Chip Jewelry – Old computers destined to be scrapped or
turned into decoration. “I paid three grand for that Mac and now it’s
nothing but chip jewelry.”
Chips and Salsa – Chips = hardware, salsa = software. “First
we gotta figure out if the problem’s in your chips or your salsa.”
CLM (Career Limiting Move) – Used by microserfs to describe
an ill-advised activity. “Trashing your boss while he or she is within
earshot is a serious CLM.”
Cobweb – A WWW site that never changes.
Cube Farm – An office filled with cubicles.
Dead Tree Edition – The paper version of a publication
available in both paper and electronic forms.
Dilberted – To be exploited and oppressed by your boss, as is
Dilbert, the comic strip character. “Man, I’ve been dilberted again!
The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week.”
Egosurfing – Scanning the Net, databases, etc., for one’s
own name.
Elvis Year – The peak year of popularity as in “1993 was Barney
the dinosaur’s Elvis year”
Flight Risk – Used to describe employees who are suspected of
planning to leave a company or department soon.
Glazing – Corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes open;
a popular pastime at conferences and early-morning meetings. “Didn’t
he notice that by the second session half the room was glazing?”
GOOD job – A “Get-Out-Of-Debt” job. A well-paying job people
take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon
as they are solvent again.
Gray Matter – Older, experienced business people hired by young
entrepreneurial firms trying to appear more professional and established.
Graybar Land – The place you go while you’re staring at a computer
that’s processing something very slowly (while you watch the gray bar
creep across the screen). “That CAD rendering put me in graybar land
for like an hour.”
High Dome – Egghead, scientist, PhD
Idea Hamsters – People whose idea generators are always running.
Irritainment – Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying,
but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were
a prime example.
Keyboard Plaque – The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on
some people’s computer keyboards.
Link Rot – The process by which web page’s links become obsolete
as the sites they’re connected to change or die.
Mouse Potato – The online generation’s answer to the couch potato.
Ohnosecond – That minuscule fraction of time during which you realize
you’ve just made a terrible error.
Open-Collar Workers – People who work at home or telecommute.
Percussive Maintenance – The fine art of whacking the dickens
out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
Perot – To quit unexpectedly. “My cellular phone just perot’ed.”
Plug-and-Play – A new hire who doesn’t require training. “That
new guy is totally plug-and-play.”
Prairie Dogging – When something loud happens in a cube farm,
causing heads to pop up over the walls trying to see what’s going on.
Salmon Day – The experience of spending an entire day swimming
upstream only to get caught in the end.
Seagull Manager – A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise,
dumps on everything and then leaves.
Siliwood – The coming convergence of movies, interactive TV and
computers; also “Hollywired”
Stress Puppy – A person who thrives on being stressed-out
and whiny.
Swiped Out – An ATM or credit card that has been used so much
its magnetic strip is worn away.
Tourists – Those who take training classes just to take a
vacation from their jobs. “There were only three serious students
in the class; the rest were just tourists.”
Under Mouse Arrest – Getting busted for violating an online
service’s rule of conduct. “Sorry I couldn’t get back to you. AOL put
me under mouse arrest.”
Uninstalled – Euphemism for being fired. Also: decruitment.
Vulcan Nerve Pinch – The taxing hand position required to reach
all the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the
warm re-boot for a Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing
the Control key, the Command key, the Return key and the Power On key.
WOOFYS – Well Off Older Folks.
World Wide Wait – The real meaning of www.
Xerox Subsidy – Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from
one’s workplace.


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